Why is My Trauma and Pain So Deep?
Why does this hurt so much? Why does this one thing have such an effect on my relationships, my ability to trust, how I feel about myself, and even my relationship with God? Whether it happened recently or years—even decades—ago, the pain is real and it’s deep.
Sexual trauma can cause deep and lasting pain because it violates something deeply personal. As Christians, we believe God created us as whole persons—body, mind, emotions, and spirit. Sexual violence takes something that was created for intimacy, trust, and connection and turns it into an experience of fear, powerlessness, betrayal, and pain. Because we cannot simply separate our bodies from the rest of who we are, the effects can reach far beyond the physical experience and into many areas of a survivor’s life.
Perhaps the depth of the wound tells us something about the significance of what was wounded. The trauma may affect how someone feels about their body or leave them carrying feelings of shame, anger, fear, isolation, or confusion.
For many survivors of sexual trauma, understanding this can be an important part of the healing process. When the effects of trauma continue long after the experience itself, it is easy to wonder why you are still struggling or to believe you should be further along in your healing.
But sexual trauma is not “just” a physical experience, and healing is never as simple as deciding to leave the past behind. This is a wound that does not heal without help.
What Happened Does Not Change Who You Are
Sexual trauma can leave a person struggling with questions about their worth, dignity, or identity. But what another person did to you does not have the power to change who you are in the eyes of God.
You were created in His image, and your dignity comes from Him. The violation, the pain, and the effects of the trauma are real, but they do not define your worth or the entirety of who you are.
The Depth of the Wound Is Not the End of the Story
The person who hurt you did not take away your God-given dignity. The depth of the wound does not mean you are beyond healing, and the amount of time that has passed does not determine whether you are worthy of seeking help.
What happened to you does not define your worth, and you do not have to walk the path toward healing alone.
Dawn of Mercy provides Christ-centered Healing Groups, retreats, and resources for women and men who have experienced sexual trauma. If you are wondering whether you are ready to begin—or continue—your healing journey, we invite you to learn more about the support available through Dawn of Mercy.